Fulfilling your wishes: The 5 obstacles that stand in the way
What prevents you from fulfilling your wishes? Probably one of these five obstacles. This is how you overcome the hurdles on the way to achieving your desires.
Having wishes is something significant in itself.
Because desires are a natural driver of your life.
They ensure that you grow and develop.
And they are a form of how you can express yourself.
If a wish comes true, it is one of the most beautiful things on earth. Because then you feel great happiness. At least for a short time.
But fulfilling your wishes has another side effect: it increases your self-confidence.
In psychology, one speaks of the so-called expectation of self — efficacy. Simply put: I plan something, and I implement it.
If you succeed, then you will have confidence. Because you know: “I can do something if I want it to be.”
The dark side of your desires
But having wishes, of course, has not only good sides …
Because desires can also cause considerable frustration in your life.
If you have to fight them, If you do not reach them for a long time or do not know how to fulfill them. Then you may feel like a loser.
And then your wishes are more like a whistle for you. Because they keep showing you: you’re too stupid, somehow you can’t do it.
Wishes can then be a reason for self-judgment.
They can frustrate and discourage you. They can drive you to despair and destroy your confidence.
Because you think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, whatever isn’t enough … to reach them.
Like almost everything in life, desires are a double-edged sword.
But that’s no reason to stick your head in the sand and never wish for anything again because wishes are like salt in your meal.
They inspire you and make your life special. They keep you alive.
It is, therefore, essential to deal constructively with the obstacles on the way to your wish. And first, look them directly in the face, then grab them.
What prevents you from fulfilling your wish?
We each have our reasons. Everyone felt a “big” boulder standing in the way.
Here is a selection of the most common hurdles and how you can deal with them:
1. I have no money for it / I don’t want to spend my money on it
I anticipate this reason right away because it is often used as a homicide argument.
Yes, most of us have such a wish. Such a spinning mill, which unfortunately we cannot afford. Or where we have to hit the jackpot first to make it work. So you are not alone in this.
But instead of acting like a dreamer now and moving the good life into a future that may never come, you could still use the power of your wish for yourself.
And by asking yourself:
“Is there a smaller version of my wish?”
Example: Are you dreaming of a specific sports car?
How about renting instead of owning? Or with a test drive?
Are you dreaming of a house with a garden?
How about if you just spend your next vacation in such a house?
Or start with an allotment garden?
Or you can try to satisfy the need behind your wish.
Example: Are you dreaming of a trip around the world?
Then you might associate specific ideas with such a trip. For example, you want to feel the feeling of absolute freedom. You want to let yourself go.
Then ask yourself:
How could you possibly feel these feelings without having to travel around the world?
Even if we cannot 100% fulfill all of our wishes. We can often meet the need behind the wish with smaller means. But you need some creativity. Give it a try.
2. I want to, but I don’t have time for it /I’m too caught up in my everyday life
Maybe it’s like this: “I just don’t have time. I’m trying hard, but I just can’t take a step forward. “
Or, even worse, like this: “I have a family and zero time for myself. If I have a rest in the toilet for 5 minutes, that’s luxury.”
No time for yourself and your desires. This is, of course, a big dilemma.
There are time management trainers who claim that “no time” actually means that it has merely no priority for you.
For me, it’s a platitude because it ignores how we humans work.
I always compare this with these funny notices on the subject of “first aid” or “behaviour in the event of a fire”.
What is always at the top?
Right: “1. Keep Calm!”
And the hint is certainly meant well … But how many people can do this in an emergency? So if someone is bleeding on the floor?
A little bit of adrenaline is quite normal and human …
And it is the same with our supposedly “wrongly set” priorities.
Everyday life behaves like a black hole. It eats all your time and energy.
Most people feel that way.
Even if you set your wish as the top priority … Everyday life will take over again at some point. And you have to take active countermeasures so that this doesn’t happen.
There are two possible solutions.
Solution 1: Go small steps
If you have a full life, fighting it doesn’t help.
Lower your unrealistic demands on yourself. And try to shovel yourself 5 minutes each day for the next small step towards your wish.
Five minutes that may sound ridiculous …
But our participants from the Success Experience course are living proof that this approach of small steps works excellent.
Solution 2: look behind the dark curtain
Sometimes it is also the case that you have the time. But for some reason you can’t explain, you’d better do a thousand other things first.
And at the end of the day, you say to yourself: “I didn’t have time, I had so much to do … “
This is a typical diversion. Something in you still resists your wish. And “no time” is just an excuse for you not to have to deal with it.
Either because your wish scares you.
Or because it’s exhausting.
Or because it requires consequences.
Whatever it is … there is still a more profound level behind the pretext “no time”.
In that case, you have to take a look behind the curtain, which is precisely what is stopping you from wanting.
The following reasons could await you behind the curtain:
3. I’m scared. Fear of failure. Afraid of making the wrong decision. Afraid to disappoint other people …
I’m afraid:
- Afraid to leave my comfort zone.
- Fear of change.
- Fear of uncertainty.
- Fear of the new.
Whatever your case may be … If your wish also brings fear at the same time, then it is perfectly logical that you prefer to put it on the back burner.
For most people, avoiding fear is the standard ‘factory setting’ with which we are equipped from birth.
But what can you do if your wish scares you? If it also includes uncomfortable distances?
Let yourself be inspired by the success of others who may have been at the same point as you.
That should give you some useful approaches to address your fears.
4. I do not know if I want this / I have doubts whether it is right for me
In your thoughts, you picture it all with your wish, all beautiful.
But the very next moment, your inner doubter comes on the scene and says:
“Yes, but is that really the case?
Does it make you happier?
Aren’t you just imagining it?
You don’t know, and you want to work so hard now? “
Lack of clarity. Before I invest a lot of time and energy in a wish that later turns out to be an illusion, I’d rather watch a good film tonight … Who doesn’t know that?
It is a very natural behaviour. The path of least resistance.
But before you miss your own life in the TV armchair and don’t seriously pursue any of your wishes, just provide a little more clarity.
Get a very clear picture of what you really want.
Because there is nothing better than having a clear goal in mind that you are 100% convinced of and that you can work towards.
A common thread in your life, a precise meaning, that gives you infinite happiness.
But how do you get such clarity?
You gain such a form of clarity by getting to know your values that make sense of your life.
All of this can help you find out if your wish is right for you.
The doubts about what you want are only one side of the coin …
5. I don’t think I can / I can’t do it
The last reason is probably the biggest hurdle for all of us: self-doubt.
If you have cleared all other obstacles and are still staying a bit longer, then you have met the ‘final boss’: your self-doubts.
Your self-doubts are exciting because they are the ultimate encounter with yourself and your deepest convictions.
Thoughts like:
- “I don’t know if I can do it,”
- “What if I fail?”
- “Did I even deserve this?”
or other negative beliefs. How can you deal with it?
Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for this, but rather many different approaches. Such as the following:
- You can analyze and change your attitudes and beliefs using this 4-step method.
- You can rewrite your negative beliefs.
- You can change your beliefs with the help of affirmations.
- Or you keep it with someone who needs to know. One who was excluded from his school team during school and then became the best basketball player of all time: Michael Jordan.
Michael Jordan was a hero of my youth. The man was just a machine. How he managed to achieve top performances with ease, and in such a dignified manner without being overbearing …
It almost looked like he had been sent by another star to show everyone else what a person can do with his body.
And this Michael Jordan once said:
“You have to expect things from yourself before you can do them.” — Michael Jordan
And with that, we are at the core of it all: your self-image.
Your self-image is the key to fulfilling your wishes. You have to believe in yourself. You have to think it possible that you can achieve your dream. And that you deserve it too.
And who or what can give you this belief if not yourself?
So work on your self-image. And make your wishes realistic and attainable for you.
Fulfillment of wishes summarized for you again
So how can you deal with the most significant hurdles on the way to your dreams?
- Try to realize your wish in the small version. Try to satisfy the need behind the wish.
- Trick your everyday life and proceed in small steps.
- Address your fears and debunk them as much as possible.
- Create clarity. Get a clear picture of where you want to go.
- Strengthen your self-image so that your wish becomes possible.
Wishes are great if you can find ways and means to fulfill them.
So see which hurdle on your path to desire most stumbles you. And then tackle this hurdle constructively.
Because fulfilling your wishes yourself is just a wonderful feeling.
Originally published at https://www.thebrilliance.org on March 26, 2020.
